The GI-Joe Post

GI-Joe: Rise of Cobra, is like the popcorn and large soda you scoff while watching summer blockbusters; You know its bad for you but you want it anyway. By all accounts this is a terrible film, but hell if I wasn’t entertained the entire time.

The movie has so many faults that you stop noticing them pretty quickly. The acting in particular will have you wanting to pull your hair out. There is one character, ‘Cover Girl’ (who thankfully doesn’t last too long in the storyline), who is portrayed so poorly it’s almost painful. I could play a more convincing blonde chick in uniform than this girl can. It’s sad when the best acting in a movie comes from the writer and star of White Chicks…but Marlon Waynes is actually the only ‘Joe’ besides Dennis Quaid who’s bearable in the movie. Ray Park is the man, but he doesn’t talk and his face is covered the entire film and Sienna Miller is a good Baroness, but both roles are eclipsed by shoddy screen time taken up by the film’s lead ‘Duke’ played by Channing Tatum. Good lord this guy can’t act. It’s very evident that they picked him for his look and nothing more. Duke is actually pretty funny, charming and likable, but all the soul of his character is sucked out and crapped on by Tatum’s abysmal efforts.

I think we are spoiled these days with movies oozing eye-candy from every orifice, because GI-Joe’s effects often seemed really cheap and fake looking. Some of the more action oriented parts where right on point, but a few of the vehicle portions looked notably dated and very ‘computer graphicy’ if I had to use a term.

Fortunately there are a lot of scenes where the Baroness kicks stuff….so the eye candy quota was well met come curtain fall.

Considering the ridiculousness of the GI-Joe brand and all its aforementioned shortcomings, as a whole this movie is remarkably watchable. The plot features brainwashing, evil-doers living under the polar icecap and terrorist missiles that melt national monuments- basically it’s a 80’s cartoon. What many people will fail to see is that this film doesn’t want to be much more than a cheap (scratch that EXPENSIVE) thrill. ‘Joe is a pretty explosion wrapped around a nostalgic franchise for old school fans and people who like seeing bad guys getting blown up. If you can’t get behind that then you are as and as the monument melting Cobra terrorists.